Max Belongs to the Church of Jesus Christ

View fullsize

Max is named after my Grandpa Max Madsen who died a few months before my Max could come home to America. My Grandpa Max knew about my son Max, had seen his picture and knew we were naming our son after him. It was actually at my Grandpa's funeral that we got the news from our adoption agency that a very important approval that we had waited months for had been issued by China's government allowing us to move forward in Max's adoption. I felt that that approval was heaven sent aided by my Grandfather.

Anyway, my Grandpa's birthday was October 8th and my little Max had the privilege of being baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints this past October 8th. It was a really special day and just one more sweet connection to my Grandpa Max Madsen.

Max was really excited to get baptized and was truly prepared. He has such a diligent little soul and has a genuine desire to do what is right. He felt this was right and has a budding testimony of the truths of the Gospel. I'm so proud of my little "double handsome" Max. (That's what JunShuang means in Mandarin.) I have no doubt that he will continue to honor the covenants he made with Heavenly Father when he was baptized as he grows up and it will one of the sweetest privileges as his mother to watch him.

I love you, Max!

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

Grandma Parker continued the tradition of making a cozy quilt with the child who is getting baptized's name embroidered on it along with the letters CTR or Choose the Right on it. Max LOVES his quilt and sleeps under it and the love from Grandma that goes with it every night.

It was such a special day!

Going With My Gut

I'm trying to make a big decision; trying to make up my own mind so that then I can pray about it and get a confirmation that my decision is either right or wrong. It's about Max.

Time for you to get clinical, okkidokki? Let's talk about poop.

Poor little Max was born to biological parents with limited means. Right after he was born I'm sure they noticed that he was missing a hole in his bottom for stool to come through. Pooping is really important. If babies can't poop they will die. His biological parents were unable to provide the surgery he would need to stay alive and so he was placed somewhere where a police officer would find him right away and take him to a hospital. This is what blessedly happened or I wouldn't have my precious son. The papers we have from China state that he was found on what appeared to be the day of his birth. The next day he had that life saving surgery. For the next few weeks he recovered at the hospital and then was moved to an orphanage where he stayed until we came into his life 16 months later.

His nannies at his orphanage loved and nurtured him. When we met him and them when we arrived in China to adopt Max it was clear how much they loved each other. They did what they could to take care of him but the means available at the orphanage were not enough. He was still only bottle fed and had what felt like enormous rocks in his belly.

Within days of him being home he was admitted to our Children's Hospital and we were told that it had been several months, if not his whole life, that he had not been able to eliminate his stool. He had a severe fecal impaction. During our two weeks with him in China he was so happy during the day, even though unbeknownst to us he was in severe pain, because that is all he had ever known but at night and during naps he slept so fitfully and cried and cried. At the Children's Hospital in America he was finally emptied of the impacted stool but left with a broken body that will never work properly. He is under the care of a daily bowel management program. (Go ahead and google that if you want. It's what we call "poopy time" in our house.) The poor after surgical care Max received in his orphanage has left him with a rectum and colon that are severely stretched and enlarged.

My poor baby.

View fullsize

This is what a normal person's large intestine looks like.

View fullsize

This is Max's right now. See how enormously wide it is and that HUGE extra loop? Not supposed to be like that.

He will need this bowel management program for the rest of his life and right now the fluid needed to wash out his stool is injected in a way by his parents that he will not be comfortable with as he gets older. The solution for this is really inventive. It's called a Appendicostomy. Basically a surgeon will hook up his appendix to his belly button and create a one way valve with it. From then on when we do poopy time the soap mixture that will wash out his stool will be inserted through a tube in his belly button and everything will be washed out top to bottom. This will be awesome because he'll be able to do this without requiring anyone else's help for the rest of his life and there will be no outer appearance in his body that looks abnormal. When he takes his shirt off all you will see is a normal belly button. Awesome.

The decision that I'm trying to make is that during the same surgery they could also do a bowel resection and cut out that huge extra loop of his. The benefits of this would be that it could possibly make his bowel management program more effective, but there are no guarantees that this will be true. Right now he still has to wear a diaper for important outings due to leaks that happen daily. Despite our best efforts to tinker with the recipe for the soap mixture that washes out the stool we haven't been successful in finding a combination that will eliminate all stool accidents. Usually with patients in bowel management they are able to do this and there are no leaks. The thinking is that because his rectum and colon are so huge they don't get emptied all the way.

View fullsize

The Appendicostomy

View fullsize

The Bowel Resection

My hesitancy is that the bowel resection is a much larger surgery than just the Appendicostomy, which could be done laproscopically. He would need to have 3 inch incision in his lower abdomen to do the resection and there is a chance that when they sew his bowel back together that it could leak leading to another surgical repair and a temporary colostomy bag while it heals. There is also an increased chance for infection in the wound site and later on as he grows, since there will be scaring on his instestines, there is a greater chance that the suture site will not grow which will cause an intestinal blockage and more surgery. If we don't do the surgery now he may still have the daily leakage which will be a bigger problem socially for him as he gets older and we may decide to do the surgery later which will mean an additional surgery and recovery time.

What to do, what to do? Please pray for us that we will know what choice to make and what will help him the most. Please pray that his surgery and recovery will go without complication. 

Happy Gotcha Day Max!

Two years ago today I met my precious son Max for the first time.  He is so completely a part of my heart, soul, and family that I have a hard time believing that it was only two years ago.  I would be incomplete without him now and so it feels impossible that he was ever not here.  Maybe that's why I felt so miserable when he wasn't.  At the same time, we started working on his adoption two months before he was born and during the next 18 months the thought of him coming to our family was the hope I clung to on dark days and my bright star.

Max is my giggle in the morning, my wake up call, and my pull to get out of bed.  He is my daily companion and helper in every routine task.  With his enthusiastic help he makes laundry, meal preparation, and cleaning a joy because those are some of his favorite things to do with me.  He is Noah's best friend and my heart has filled to the brim over the past two years watching the depth of their brotherly affections grow.  Having had the best four sisters in the world I thought I knew what it meant to have a sibling, but Noah and Max are teaching me to understand that word with new depth and meaning.

Max is my precious, priceless treasure; God's gift, given to me so that I could revel in the joy of parenting.  Max is my deep breath, my easy smile, my contentment.

Dearest Max, I'm so eternally grateful that you are my son. 

To My First Born But Last to Come On Her 7th Birthday--Updated!

Dear Marilyn JiaBing,

As I stand here in our kitchen making your birthday cupcakes it is 7pm on January 4th but in China it is 10am on January 5th, which is markedly more special.  It's your 7th birthday.  Happy Birthday sweetheart!  I wish more than anything that I was there to share it with you, in fact my heart and soul are there with you and the only things holding me here in America are our two governments and my own body.  How I wish I were there to call you my own and give you a mother for your birthday.  We will be together in just few more months, but tonight that feels like way too long to have to wait.

Can you feel my birthday wishes from half way across the world? 

The wishes, hopes, and dreams I have for you for your 7th year feel so enormous swelling inside of me that I swear they can reach you. 

This year I want you to find security and permanence in your new home with your new family.  I want you to finally learn the meaning of "mother", "father", "brother", "Grandparents", "cousins", "Aunts" and "Uncles".  I wish for you to have a FAMILY and feel like you belong.  My hope for you this year is that you will grow to feel and know deep down in the core of who you are that you are forever safe and taken care of.  My dream for you this year is that you will start on your journey to your own dreams.  I want for you to learn, grow, and know that you have endless capacity and potential.  Those are the things that I want to give you this year.  And a hug.  I wish I were there to give you a hug right now.

Years from now I want you to know that we were thinking of you and loving you so much as you turned seven.  I made special birthday cupcakes for you tonight and we even lit candles, sang you the birthday song, and blew them out for you.  We tried so hard to let you know how important you are to us.  We are so hoping that today is a special day for you and we wanted to celebrate right along with you.

We've heard that at your orphanage birthdays are celebrated on a monthly basis, but Daddy and I ordered a special birthday cake to be sent to you TODAY.  The lady in China who is helping us with this says that she called your orphanage and that they are going to have a special little party for you after your "after lunchtime snack" at 2pm and that is when you will get your cake.  I am so hoping that you know this is just for you, that you will feel that special.  I'm hoping they will call you and all your little friends together and say, "Something special is happening to JiaBing!  She is turning 7 years old today and this is going to be a special year for her!  JiaBing is getting adopted in a few months by a family in America and they knew it was her birthday today and sent her this special birthday cake!"  We also sent you a letter announcing to you that we are going to be your new family, a picture album of our family, a doll, and some candy to share with your friends.  We know for sure that you are getting your cake, but we don't know if your orphanage workers will pass the rest of your gift on to you.  We hope so. 

Someday you will be able to tell me more about when you first learned that you were being adopted and getting a forever family.  I wonder so much about how you will feel when you find out.  Did you find out today?  Did you find out on your birthday that such an amazing change was coming in your future?  How did you feel about that?  Was it a good birthday?

I have so many questions, thoughts, and feelings today and they are all about you.  Most of all, I want you to know that you are loved.

Happy Birthday my precious little daughter!  I will see you soon.

Love,

Mommy

***********************************************

UPDATE:  We got some pictures back from her orphanage of JiaBing and her birthday cake!!!  We really were not expecting these so they are priceless treasures to us.  They also gave us updated measurements of her.  She is 47 inches tall, which is an inch taller than Noah, and she weighs 49 pounds, which is 4 pounds more than Noah, and she is almost exactly a year older.  Seems like she is a good and healthy size.  On a Chinese growth chart for girls she is in the 75th percentile for height and in the 90th percentile for weight.  What more could I want for her birthday?  (Don't really ask me; I might say an airplane ticket!) I'm going to be looking at these pictures all day long!

This one is my favorite.  I love the peek into her world where she lives.  I love the happy, peaceful smile on her face, I love that I can tell that she is right handed, I love the crown, I love that she is wearing my favorite color (AGAIN - yellow), I love that she actually got her cake, and I love, love, her hands.

I wonder what they said to her to make her look like this?  Maybe just, "Sit down please so we can take your picture?"  She looks a bit grumpy.  Maybe she's mad that our two governments are taking so long with paperwork mumbo jumbo.  Yeah, that's probably it.  I love her cheeks.  I love her little feet.  Her hair is getting a little longer.  I wonder if they will cut it again before we go pick her up?  I'm so, so grateful for these pictures.

What an adorable cake!  I couldn't have made one any cuter, and I'm so glad they personalized it for her; it even has 7 candles on it.  The first character on the sign (before the semi-colon) and all the ones on the bottom row spell Happy Birthday (祝生日快乐) in Chinese and the three characters after the semi-colon (韦家兵) say Wei Jia Bing.  Wei is her surname (for now!) and Jia Bing are of course her given names.